When you were a boy, what did you dream you would be as a man?

Where are you today as a man? As we age, we all have regrets and disappointments when we reflect upon our lives…what are ours?

Do you see yourself learning, loving, and leading in amazing ways?

Have you ever evaluated yourself in the six dimensions identified in this chapter: Sticky, Inquisitive, Gritty, Protective, Magnetic, Inspirational?

Are you ready to dig deep and begin to make changes that will help you be an amazing man?

Who will you enlist to support you on your journey to amazing manhood?

This chapter says: “Ancient wisdom not only teaches us how to live, it teaches us how to die. It teaches us what it means to face the inevitability of death in faith. We set our sights upon eternity and upon becoming amazing.” Have you ever come to a point in your life where you have resolved these questions about eternity for yourself? If not, why not interrupt your study of this book and do that soon?

Are there people in your life who you hold a grudge against? What would it take to settle this issue, and release its grip on your life and health?

Do you agree that there is a “supposed to be” ideal for a man to aspire to?

How might your world “fall into place” if you, and the men around you, were restored to what is supposed to be?

Do you agree that “a solitary man is a dangerous man”? Solitary men are common…are you one? Do you see any evidence of danger in your life?

Do you currently have a reservoir of relational joy in your life…a “rhythm of joy and quiet”? Would you be able to list a handful of people who are glad when you show up?

Can you envision how a joy cocktail could help you make the character changes you would need to become a truly amazing man?

The book says: “No one has had a perfect childhood and there are no perfect families.” What events in your past did this chapter bring to your mind? How are they obstacles to your emotional well-being and growth?

What insecure attachments do you think you may still experience? In what ways were significant people in your life not there for you?

Are your reactions to these obstacles typically more • avoidant, where you shun intimacy, • ambivalent, where you are anxious or preoccupied, or • disorganized, where you lack effective coping strategies?

Can you identify major Type A (experience of neglect) and Type B traumas (inflicted pain) that you have experienced and still affect you today?

What does the book mean that “shame is one of the main opposites of joy”?

In what ways do you feel shame?

What masks do you wear at times? What lies causes you to wear these masks?

What tends to trigger you? What unresolved wounds cause this in you?

Are you ready to move beyond these issues?

Do you have hope that you can become amazing?

The book says that normal human development passes through the five phases of Grace, Discovery, Justice, Sacrifice, and Community. How far are you in this journey?

In your earliest years of life did you have parents or caregivers who were filled with delight just to see you? If not, how might you still be impacted by that?

In your childhood, were you taught how to do hard things? If not, how might you still be impacted?

In your adolescence, did you have healthy groups where you belonged? Did you learn about fairness? If not, how might you still be impacted?

If you are in your adult and/or married stage of life, have you learned how to willingly sacrifice for others? If not, what stands in your way of learning this?

If you are in your grandfather and/or elder stage, have you learned how to effectively care for the needs of the community? Are you engaged at “looking for strays: orphans and widows” who you can come along side of and support? If you are not doing that, how can you begin?

Can you identify men in your life who model the six habits of amazing men: Stickiness, Inquisitiveness, Grit, Protective gentleness, Magnetism, and Being inspirational? How do they serve as a model for you?

Are you working on these habits so that they become reflexive, or second nature to you, without needing to think about how to respond to circumstances?

Do you have a cadre of men, a band of brothers, who remind you of who you are, and call out the best in you? If not, what do you need to do to find such a community?

Do you know the phone numbers of sticky friends who you can call on your best day or your worst day? If not, how can you begin to build this phone list?

In your own words, how does a man connect with others?

In your own words, how does a man navigate through life?

In your own words, how does a man win the battles of life?

In your own words, how does a man lead?

In your own words, how does a man relate to women, especially his wife?

In your own words, how does a man inspire others, especially young people?

This chapter says: “We are born as predators, and we need to morph into our true identities. If we are not transformed, we will give in to the urge to be friendless, clueless, feckless, ruthless, offensive, and lifeless.” What is your response to this?

This chapter starts out with this proposition: “We were made for bonded, intimate relationships. It’s how God designed us.” Do you agree with this, and if so, why are intimate relationship so critical?

It also says: “We’re hard wired to spot weakness, and we have learned to use that skill to our own advantage. We became people of fear instead of people of joy.” What is your own response to this?

In the text, Dr. van der Kolk lists 5 effects of trauma. Which of these have you experienced, if any?

Did you look up the 19 Relational Skills that were mentioned? Which of these are strengths of yours? Which are weaknesses? What can you do to build your relational skills?

Do you agree with the statement that “the more joy you have, the stickier you become”? If so, explain

In the chapter Dr. Lehman lists some signs that we have shut down relationally. Which of these are ways that you tend to shut down? Will being aware of these help you recognize more quickly when you are beginning to shut down?

“We become what we see in the people whom we admire.” How might you capitalize on this natural inclination to imitate others, especially in terms of choosing who to spend time with?

Can you relate to the statement of true identity that concluded this chapter? How might you customize it to make it your own?

This chapter details the stages of relational development. If you were to count them, how many of your current relationships fall into each of these stages? Buddies _______ Self-Disclosure _______ Reciprocity _______ Intimacy/Stickiness _______ Best Friends _______ Friends for Life_______

Are you satisfied with the number of relationships you have in these stages? What might you do to be more satisfied?

Are you satisfied with the number of relationships you have in these stages? What might you do to be more satisfied?

Which of the keys to relationship development mentioned in this chapter do you need to improve upon (self-disclosure; emotional connection; unconditional support; acceptance, loyalty, and trust; bonding and commitment; supportiveness; interaction; honesty coupled with a positive attitude; keeping no record of wrongs)? How might you get started to make improvements?

Of the three realms of inquiry: Relational, Logical/Rational, and Spiritual, which are you strongest in, and which are you weakest?

This chapter introduces the term EQ, or Emotional Quotient. What does this mean to you?

Which do you think you are stronger in, your EQ or your IQ?

The chapter says: “EQ overrides IQ”? Do you agree, and if so, why?

What did you observe in the stories of the biblical characters, Joseph, Solomon, Daniel, and Jesus that you might be able to emulate?

Are you a naturally curious person? If not, how can you become more so?

What is your preferred style of learning: visual, auditory, kinesthetic (learn by doing), or reading/writing?

Are you good at asking questions of others? Do you typically ask questions about people, things, or ideas?

Are you a good, active listener that others like to talk to, and feel comfortable sharing openly with you?

What does the chapter mean when it says: “Curiosity about people develops your EQ”?

Are you able to tell your own story, concisely, without embarrassment or bragging, and interestingly? If not, would it be useful to you to script it out and run it by a close friend?

How do you explain the concept of identity, calling, and assignment? How does this help you assess where you are in life, what you’re doing, and what you should do next?

What does the chapter mean when it says: “There are kind hearts, brave hearts, bold hearts, hearts that speak truth, hearts that seek righteousness, hearts that love justice, etc. Knowing your heart is critical. The pain you experience can help you discover your true heart.”?

Have you ever written a one-page autobiography, and reflected on your life’s trajectory and the key things you’ve learned? Why not try doing it and sharing your insights in self-disclosure with someone who is a true friend?

“Amazing men are tender but they’re not soft. They have grit.” What is grit, in your words? How do you personally live out grittiness?

The Gritty Lessons are: #1 Learn to imagine and explore. #2 Learn to do hard things. #3 Learn what is real. #4 Learn to work hard and play hard. #5 Learn how to set goals and make a plan. Which of these lessons are you still learning, and what will you do to become a man of amazing grit?

The apostle Paul lived a gritty life and demonstrated courage, a bias toward action, goal setting, resilience, and excellence without being a perfectionist. Which of these could you be better at, and what will you do to get there?

Paul was also a man of deep faith and confidence in his strength that came from Christ. What stands out for you as you read the last paragraphs on Paul’s Secret – Faith?

When you first heard about Christianity, were you told only the Good News? Were you also told about the lifelong spiritual conflict that you would be engaged in or about the new enemies that you would need to battle?

If you have experienced the spiritual battle, have you ever had second thoughts about your faith, or felt like you had experienced a bait-and-switch? If so, have you since settled your feelings about this? If not, how might you address these feelings?

Which of the enemies, the world, the ego, or the devil, cause you the most difficulty? In what ways are you most troubled?

Knowing that you are partnered with the three persons of the trinity to battle our three enemies, how does that give you comfort?

The chapter says: “Love for the Father drives out love for the world and love for the world drives out love for the Father, and love for the world is characterized by three things • Lust of the flesh, • Lust of the eye, and • The pride of life.” Which of these three are the most tempting for you? What might you do about it?

What stood out for you as you read the paragraphs on Overcoming Satan?

If the “Belt of Truth…helps you in two ways: guidance and discernment,” in what areas of your life do you most need truth at this time? Will you ask him for the wisdom that he promises he will give you?

The text says that “feelings are a big deal and they need protection from evil.” How has the Chestplate of Righteousness protected you in the past? How do you need that protection right now?

Dr. Smedes wrote: “the malaise of our time is an epidemic of self-doubt and selfdepreciation.” Do you ever feel that way, and how might the spiritual armor help you with that?

Are you encouraged when you read: “When my Heavenly Father looks at me, He sees the perfect and active obedience of Jesus. I am accepted by grace, and my circumstances or failures do not make any difference at all.”? How has knowing that helped you recently?

In the section, the Gospel of Peace, peace is likened to: “Serenity; courage; good morale; being in the zone; ready for anything.” If you lack any of these things, what might you do to get them?

How can the Shield of Faith help us deal with the times when evil thoughts come at us unexpectedly from Satan?

What is your response to reading: “Using the shield of faith means refusal to feel condemned or to feel guilty without any hope: Christ is the basis of my peace. Therefore, it is his responsibility to take me through everything.”?

How can the Helmet of Salvation protect our minds and our ability to think clearly, and help us to face the future with joy and without fear? How have you experienced this in your life? In what ways do you need to use the helmet more effectively?

Since Jesus “went about doing good” and our labor is not in vain, what could you do on a practical level to do good unto others and make this a better world? To what causes is your heart attuned to, and in what ways are you uniquely gifted to contribute?

This chapter says that the Sword of the Spirit can be used defensively. What examples can you think of how you could do this when you are tempted to sin?

How might you use the Sword offensively when you are talking to others about the Lord?

Are you digging into the Word of God regularly so that it will readily come to mind as you need it? If not, what will it take for you to be more faithful in your devotional life?

What are the typical “desires of the ego” that gnaw at you most frequently?

What are the typical “desires of the ego” that gnaw at you most frequently?

What does it mean to you to be “led by the Spirit”?

Are you experiencing growth in your life of the fruit of the Spirit? Which of them are strengths for you and which are weaknesses (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control)?

What does in mean to “keep in step with the Spirit”? How might you do better at that?

This chapter begins by saying that God hardwires our brains to detect weakness in others. What are the reasons it gives for this?

It also states that “Predators pounce on weakness; possums hide their weakness; and gentle protectors are tender towards weakness.” Other than when you are playing competitive sports, what is your most common response to weakness?

Do you desire to be a gentle protector? What would that look like in your life, and with the relationships you currently have?

The “5 to Thrive” habits are: • Leading from a Healthy Heart; • Creating Belonging; • Receiving and Giving Life; • Recovering from Trauma; and • Maximizing Potential. Which of these are strengths for you and which are weaknesses? What might you do to become amazing in them all?

Our “new heart refers to spiritual discernment, true identity and destiny” which sometimes takes a long time to realize. If you have come to the point of knowing your identity and destiny, how would you describe them to another person?

“Our new heart was designed: for joy and relationship; to handle the stress; to serve others; to create belonging; to recover and be trauma-proof; suffer well; and to function best in community.” Which of these areas would you want to work on becoming amazing?

What was the most important thing you learned from this long chapter? How will you incorporate it into your life?

Scripture tells husbands to live with his wife “in an understanding way” and to love his wife “just as Christ loved the church.” On a 1 to 10 scale, how well would you rate yourself in doing these things. How would your wife rate you?

Of the eleven quick guidelines listed at the beginning of this chapter, which are your top 3 strengths and which are your lowest 3 weaknesses. Which will you want to focus on to improve, starting today?

How can you avoid being a “boy forever” and take your responsibility more seriously to be a leader in your home?

How might you be able to understand your wife more completely?

What does it mean to you “to show honor to your wife, especially in light of the fact that she is a fellow heir of the grace of life”? In what ways might you need to improve in showing honor to her?

As you attempt to love one another, especially including your wife, how can you do so better by understanding the four types of love described as romantic love, family love, brotherly love, and God’s divine love?

Do you strive to be the kind of amazing husband who treats his wife with the realization that others will see it as a picture of the Trinity and Christ? What would it mean for you and your wife if you did this more consistently?

In the section How to Mentor as a Father, there are a lot of suggestions on how to do this effectively. Which of these prompted you to think that you could do better? What next steps could you take to become more amazing as a mentor?

As you read through the section What a Mentor Does, what stood out for you? What will you start, stop, continue, or improve in your role as a mentor?

What did you learn from the biblical examples of fathers and elders?

Do you perceive the grandfather/elder stage to be as important as it is presented in this chapter? If so, and you are at this stage in your life, how can you become amazing at this role which is so needed by young people these days?